i live in a tiny day of regret
i go through different planets of it
cycling through
thoughts of that look on your face, turned to me on the couch
seeking my eyes
of the way that you could kiss me
the way that you held my face in your hands
the things you said
then i move to the place where
i wonder what i did
where i
tear myself to shreds
where i
can really beat myself into the ground
for losing something so big
then i reluctantly
slowly
turn to all the pain you put me through
slowly look at it like
a tragic economy

a misguided pamphlet
that none of this is worth it for me
not one single second more
that i should be glad to never see you again
that i should be rough with you
that i should be rude to you
but i can't.
the call comes to head to your house
and for whatever reason, I go.
and whatever i am expecting
i guess i never saw myself act like a dog before
i guess i never was unable to look someone in the eye
i guess i never felt so shifty-eyed
can you see what you did to me?
i came over to show you my stability
to show that i will always be in love with you
no matter how you push me away
to show you that i can be nice
that i can be normal
whatever the insanity
whatever the natural disaster
whatever the fire/crisis/bullshit/neglect
and what did i show you?
that i couldn't even look you in the face.
that i couldn't even look you in the face.