I wish I knew what it is I want from him. How can it be so simple as I imagine it to be but so important? I wish I knew what was fair, what was right of me. Not only what was right, but what was worth it. Is it right that I want him to just take over sometimes, to just let it all out in front of me, to say that he's sorry, even if I am being silly about it? Why do I want him to do it? Is it fair of me to expect that, even if I just told him flat out that that was what I wanted the night before? But he can't just do that. He can't be wrong.Why? Is it fair, also, that I want him to just be emotionally available, to open with me, when in the past I was the one who hurt him? Is it fair of me to want him to stop lying, to fucking reach out to me, why am I always the one reaching? Why am I always the one creating the small moments, with our heads underneath the pillow and the soft voices? Is it true that I am just making myself available to him then, that he is always there, waiting? Is it true that I just have more power than he does, that I can't be molded like he can?